Video Intro to Highways of the Mind

Monday, June 21, 2010

Lost and Found

I wrote this story quite a few years ago.

It was my first attempt to write a short story and I made many errors.

My friends liked it just the way it was, so I left it be.

Here is my stories debut, mistakes and all.

Lost and Found
This is a story about a shattered life lost in the world of Who Cares. This is a true story; however, I have changed the names of some of the characters for reasons of anonymity. My name is Cash Neve and this is my story told in the best way that I know, my way. I was raised to have high morals and standards, and taught that a successful man always puts his family first and with good living everything else would fall into place. My greatest desire was to raise a family in a safe and financial free world. My intentions were good and so were my motives and this kept me steadfast and relentless. My whole life was built around my wife and children and the world I could provided for them. I wanted a life that was filled with love and embellished with serenity. My life was my family and I was the master of my domain. If this domain were to crumble then my life would cease to exist.

My domain (world) was a small ranch in southern Utah and in all appearances it was the ultimate answer to all of my dreams. Inside the borders of this ranch lay my whole reason for being, my life, my world, my domain. Well, you guessed it! It all came tumbling down. My wife ran off with another man, my children left me and consequently my life was shattered.

This story is not unique, it happens all the time. You probably know someone in your realm of acquaintances that it has happened to, if not exactly the same, similar.

However, the outcome of this is unique. I spent the next ten years of my life married to the bottle, as I was always successful at what I did; I became a very successful alcoholic. I went right from the top all the way to the bottom; as a matter of fact I ended up living in the streets, rolling other drunks for enough money to get that drink I always needed. I was unshaven, dirty and smelly, and as bum like as any successful drunk can be. When a person gets this low the most likely next step down is a horrible and painful death. The percentage of alcoholics that turn about and climb back up the latter from whom they descended is low to nil, but it can be done.

I don’t know how else to put it, Believe it or not I was visited by an angel who gave me the courage to start all over again. During the years that I was raising my family, I had an uncommon sharing of ESP with my youngest daughter. I always knew when she was in need of any kind and by the same token, she had the same feelings. I was close to death when my daughters’ inner sense told her that her daddy needed her, even though it had been years since she’d seen or heard from me. She didn’t even know where I was, but she knew she had to find me. Which she did.

I was having a heart attack and was covered with urine and vomit, a very unpleasant sight, when my daughter found me. The doctors said I would have died if she hadn't found him when she did.

I’ll never forget the look on my daughters face when she first walked into that room and looked at me lying there on the floor. I seen concern, shock, disbelief and displeasure painted on the face of the daughter I’d raised to love and respect me. That is when I decided that, no matter what it would take, I was going to cure myself of this disgusting affliction. This shocked me back into reality and I swore right there and then that no one would ever see me like that again.


This scene took place a decade ago and through tons of research and a deep-rooted determination, I was able to keep my commitment. Since that time, my recovery has been a marvelous work and wonder and I am gaining back my stature.

That’s more or less the preface of my story. Since this was my first attempt as a writer and most people liked the way I told the story, I haven't changed anything. This is the first copy and original version of Lost and Found.

As I continue with my story, I think I’ll take you back to when I was courting my sweetheart (just for the heck of it will change her name to Lily Bell). Lily was a beautiful feisty and fun loving young lady with a child like charm that was fascinating. I was so taken by her beauty and charm that I fell deeply and hopelessly in love with her. I knew that I had found my mate and I also knew that no matter what it would take, that I would win her over and make her my partner for life.

Our courtship was like a fairy tale in a love story book. Two young people in bliss. The day finally came when I said, "Will you be mine," and the answer was yes. My greatest desire was to have a wife and a family and to make them a world of their own. I would make it the happiest, safest, securest, place on earth. I would fill it with all the beauty and serenity that there is in heaven. My goal was set and nothing on earth or in heaven could change its course.

I said to myself, "If it’s to be it’s up to me and that’s the way it’s going to be." And that became my Motto.

As you know, I was very much in love with my wife so I think I'll continue my story from the time Lily and I got married.

In the beginning I was working at one of the mines in Carbon County and Lily was working as a checker at her sister’s grocery store. Our dream was to buy our own place where we could raise our family. I had a little bit saved but not enough, so lily and I pooled the biggest part of our income so that we could purchase our dream home someday. I made good money in the mines, so if we pinched and saved all that we could it wouldn't take us very long.

We were driven by desire so at first we did without luxuries of any kind. We lived in a tiny one-room apartment with a fold down from the wall bed. The first year all we did was make love, work, and save our money. Oh, for a part time job, I started my own painting company and since I cornered the market, it was doing quite well. When I say cornered the market, I was the only paint company in town.

With the extra income coming in and almost all of Lilies money we soon had the money for a down payment. We found the perfect place in a small town between Helper and Price. It was a beautiful little ranch with about 20 acres of land, an old but well built four bedroom home, a smaller house for help or whatever and a slightly run down barn. It was great and we both fell in love with it was just what we looking for. Now we could start working on a family.

Who am I kidding? It wasn't work, lily was the best lover in the world, and I was always ready whenever I got near her. She told me I was always horny and that I must be over sexed. She was right. There was nothing on earth more pleasurable then making love to my wife. Together we made the A Bomb seem insignificant.

We started making girls one right after another. I wanted a boy but I was never unhappy with my girls they were all so beautiful, they took after their mother. Surrounded by beauty; I was the luckiest guy in the world."

I’m going to take a break here and let my brother Clinton narrate, I need a third parties point of view.


My name is Clinton, I‘m Cashes brother; I think I’ll give Cash a break and take over for a while. At this point in the story of Cash Neve, nothing could be more rewarding then the way Cashes life was going. Everything appeared to be on an uphill trend, but then sometimes things aren't all what they appear to be and in this case, they sure weren't.

The owner and manager of the mine where Cash worked had known Lily and had, had a crush on Lily since high school. Since he was Cashes boss and was able to schedule Cashes time, he could fix it so that he would be able to pursue his infatuation with Lily. Since he came from a family of money and had always had everything that he wanted he wasn't about to give up on Lily. He wanted Lily but he didn't want the commitments that go along with a relationship. His desire and flame without having to pay the price.

He was very devious as well as elaborate in his planning and since he pretty much had control over Cashes time, he could keep him out of his way while he made his move on Lily.

Let's face reality; he had the money, the position and the opportunity to get what he wanted. That was his intention come hell or come high water.

You know, I think I better slow down a little bit or I'm going to lose you and I don't want that to happen. Since anonymity is our game then let’s give Cashes boss a name. How about Rich Power, isn't that apropos?

So now we have another character in our story and character fits this man to a tee.

What I haven't told you is that when Cash met Lily, Rich was dating Lily. You might say that Cash took Lily away from the little rich boy. That's the way I see it…

Now we can continue! So, as you probably have already gathered Rich started monopolizing Lilies time and showered her with gifts and promises of grandeur. Of course, Cash was given lots of overtime and his day shift was changed to a graveyard shift so that he would never be an obstacle in the path of Rich Powers.

Lily was given the best of two worlds, Cashes love and devotion and the excitement that Riches money and power offered. Poor Lilies fate was already decided, and for that matter so was Cashes. Cash never suspected a thing, how could he, his little world would not let anything from the outside influence or deter his families love and security.

Whether it was Lilies guilt or lilies way, I won' say, but Lily showed more love and attention towards Cash and the children than ever before. I honestly feel that if Lily and Riches affair could have continued without discovery Cashes world would have never crumbled. Now we'll continue with Cash as the first person.


My job in the mines was treating me very well. In less than two years I made face boss which almost doubled my salary. As well as face boss, I was put in charge of air control, which gave me a lot of overtime, and on top of all this, my painting business was thriving. All this work took away from the time I would have liked to spent with my family but with the extra money I was making I could see an early retirement and this would give me the chance to be with them much more in the near future.

At this point in my life, everything was peaches and cream and my Lily was paying more and more attention to me, I often reminded myself how very fortunate I was to have such a wonderful wife. All my dreams and aspirations were at their peak and I was one happy fellow. I was proud of my wife and children and the life I had provided for them. Let me ask you, what more could anyone ask for?

As the years flew bye I watched my lovely little girls blossom into adulthood with all the virtues of angels. Hardly a day would go by that I wasn't bursting with pride because I was their daddy. I thank the Lord for being so blessed.


This is Clinton again, I hate to interrupt but this will only take a moment. Anyway, Cash has achieved much more than most people ever do and if this were the end of the story we could say, and they lived happily ever after. We know different.

Pardon the language, but to tell you the truth real life can be a real bitch at times. Don't say I told ya so, because I told you so and that's the way it is by golly. Clinton knows!

As we continue, you'll hear in Cashes own words how one day you have it and the next day its gone and what happens when you have no back up and loose all desire to go forward. When this happens, I call it the wish of death or the slow gin suicide. A turn to a source to ease the pain.

As we continue Cash paints a vivid picture of events that all most put him in hell.


At this point in my life, I was very happy and contented. Everything I ever dreamed of was becoming a reality. I wanted to spend more time with my family but to give them the life style that I wanted them to have took planning and I had to schedule every minute of my time.

To describe my day as normal would be really farfetched if there were such a thing as a norm. I get off work at seven in the morning go home, take a shower and have breakfast with my wife .I return to the mine at nine to check the airflow and inspect the face of the mine for gas. At noon I meet with my paint foreman and map out his day. I'm usually home by four to have dinner with my family and spend what is known as the family hour. I try to get to bed by six because I have to be back to work at eleven to start my graveyard shift. That's my normal routine. I'm off on the weekends to do maintenance on my property and whatever else needs to be done around my home. Sometimes I have to give myself an hour to meditate. Once in awhile I take the time to do something with my family in the way of entertainment and that's my week. Now let me ask you, does that meet your criteria of normal. I'm not complaining, I love what I do and I do what I love well but it does take a lot of valuable time away from being with the ones I care for.

Everybody in my little world knows my routine and knows where and when I'll be at any given time. It would take something very unusual to change my schedule. The unusual happened and it changed my life forever. I had just started my shift at the mine when there was an explosion at the face of the mine and almost immediately the mine filled with gas. Thank God, no one was hurt but the mine had to be closed because of the gas content. So, I returned home about two o'clock in the morning.

As I entered my house I noticed a truck parked in front of the house but didn't pay much attention to it, I should have. I didn't want to disturb Lily so I tiptoed into the bedroom and quietly started to remove my clothes when I heard what sounded like a man snoring. I turned on the light and much to my surprise and shock there was Rich, my boss, in bed with my wife.

I don't really recall all that happened after that. I know it took two policemen to pull me off him and had it not been for them I think I would have killed him. The police took me away for the safety of my wife, I don't think I would have harmed her but I was insanely mad and somewhat out of my mind. I wasn't locked up but I was held at the station until I somewhat regained my senses.

This was something that only happened in the movies or in books, it couldn't be happening to me, but it was. The liquor store was right across the street from the police station so before doing anything, I bought a half- gallon of booze and by the time I reached my home I was pretty drunk.

It was snowing like hell outside and the back of my pickup was half-full of snow but I didn't care I started throwing my clothes in the back of the truck. Lily was in tears and pleading for me to forgive her, she said she only loved me that I was her life and I couldn't leave her. Finally, I told her that she had made her own bed now she could sleep in it and staggered out the door.

It would be years before I’d see Lily again, my girls thought I had deserted their mother as well as them, so they wouldn't have anything to do with me. I've got to say Lily was one hell of a mother, I wouldn't do anything to degrade her in front of my little sweethearts so to this day they blame me and I'll never tell them the truth.

For the next ten years of my life I was married to Canadian Host and for that whole time I never drew a sober breath. When I left Lily I had almost a half million dollars in the bank, I split it with her and it only took me a little over a year to blow my share. I had a lucrative business that I destroyed in six months. I had several trucks, a nice boat, a house trailer, and some rental property, all of which I lost in less than a year.

In the later days of my drinking career I lied, cheated, stole, molested, committed adultery, and the list goes on and on…> I remember one winter night when I had the shakes real bad and I desperately needed a drink, a fellow drinking companion happened bye with a bottle of cheap wine, he wouldn't give me a drink so I took the bottle away from him, hit him over the head with It and left him bleeding on the side walk not knowing whether he was dead or alive, another time I broke a man’s arm for the price of a bottle. As long as I was saturated with joy juice, I was capable of committing any kind of a crime. When Lily was my wife there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her so now that I was married to the Host the same thing applied.

Before I lost my last car I held the record for drunken driving tickets (lost the car when I was arrested for DUI) I had a total of 14 in a two-month period. When I was ticketed they always let me go on my own recognizance and I would never go to court (primarily because I was always to drunk). It took the system several years before it caught up with me, when it did I spent the biggest part of a year in jail.

Oh, I have to tell you about my one and only friend and constant companion. Lady was my four-legged friend and she had been with me almost from the day I left Lily. Whether I was drunk or sober, Lady was with me all of the time. Her devotion for me never faltered. If she could tell her life story, it would truly amaze and shock you. Lady even went to jail with me on several occasions. However, it was no ordeal for her because all the jailers in Utah loved her and treated her like a queen. She was even made the mascot in some of the grey hotels that incarcerated me. I loved her dearly but put her through a life of Hell. She’s gone now but she’ll still always be with me in a large portion of my heart. She more than proved the truth of that old adage, "A dog is a man’s best friend."

Well, I think that I’ve more then covered my down fall. I’ve never been much of a believer, at least not until now. Something or some force had to have been watching over me. This power had to be so great that it could control the outcome of events; otherwise there was no possible way that I could have survived. Somebody up there has plans for me to accomplish something that I haven’t yet accomplished, that’s the only explanation that I can come up with. Anyway, let’s get on with my story.

Before I go into the story about the where, why, and when, of my recovery I’d like to give you a few more of my experiences as a professional drunk. As I recall these crazy episodes that took place in my life, I look at them in wonder. I can’t imagine how I survived and lived long enough to tell about it. I should have died from over dosing on alcohol or have been killed for the crazy things that I did.

Well into my drunken adventures, I found myself living in the streets and becoming street wise. To maintain, a street person has to rely on his ability to con and his willingness to do things illegal and immoral. This becomes a must in order to maintain your agony and misery because that’s the life style you’ve chosen. One day I met a fellow named John R., Who happened to run an afterhour’s nightclub underneath the Miles Hotel downtown Salt Lake City. At the time, I was sleeping under the dumpster in the alley behind the Miles. For some reason, John took a liken to me, got me cleaned up and gave me a job as a bouncer in his club. I bounced for him at night and tended bar during the day. In all appearances, this was a great job, and by the way, I hadn’t had any kind of a job in years, a one of a kind job that allowed me to stay inebriated all the time, and my booze was free. Talk about falling into a bucket of shit! It turned out that John was head of the mafia in Salt Lake. Working for John is a whole other story, one which I may write someday. John got me a room in the Miles and set me up with a hooker who became my companion (along with Lady, of course.) I was the only guy in Salt Lake living in a suite with a big black Lab. and a high priced hooker. What a setup for a professional alcoholic. Oh, things were getting better and better. I didn’t mention that when I met John, I was busy rolling a drunk, and he just stood by and watched me with a gleam in his eye. I guess he knew from the get go that I’d fit right into his plan. Well, my life changed but it sure as hell wasn’t for the better. I worked for John for two years and the stories I could tell you would put your ears right down in your socks. I was always stewed to the gills, but nobody knew it because I was always drunk and that’s the only way they’d ever seen me. Anyway, I’m going to leave this part of my story and save it for a hair raising tale some day in the future (When I learn how to write). There might even be a good movie in it. Eventually I moved out of the hotel and into a large three story house that was used as an art gallery. My Uncle William Parkinsen was a world renowned artist and I was his favorite nephew (he wasn’t aware of the life I’d been living) hired me to remodel his studio and gallery. The first thing I did was turn a part of the third floor into my living quarters. Shortly after this Willy had a stroke and moved in with his daughter so I had access to the whole place. It took me a year and a half to refurbish the old place and even though I did most of the work in a drunken stupor it turned out to be a master piece. This was the only thing other than being an alcoholic that I did really well during this period of my life.


This is Clinton again, forgive me for interrupting but there just one thing I’d like you to know before Cash Continues. .This was a part of Cashes life that wasn’t going to be revealed, but since he’s gone and done it then I guess I better add my two cents. John R. was a lead figure in the mafia during the late seventies, through the eighties and well into the nineties. Hardly a day went by that you didn’t see a notorious article about him in the national news. This is primarily the reason that I wasn’t going to write about any of his involvement. He’s dead now so I guess it doesn’t matter. Cash is doing quite well in telling his story so I’m going to let him continue.


I have given you a real condensed version of my life from the time I met Lily until the time I left Lily and fell into the hands of the devil. I’ve taken you from the time when my goals were clear and my morals and standards were high into the twilight existence of the grey world where there are no goals, standards or morals. You’ve seen me at my best and had a glimpse of my worst. Now I’m going to try to explain the events that turned my life back around and kindled the desire for me to make that trip back

Unless you can put yourself in my shoes and visualize my experiences I don’t think it’s possible to really feel the emotions I feel. To be excommunicated from the world that you loved and find yourself excepted in the world that you hate, is really humiliating, and will bring you right to your knees. I know of no other way to say it, and those were my inner most feelings on the day that I opened my eyes. My lust to change didn’t come in a flash, it came in bits and pieces as I realized where I was, who I’d become, the horrific things I was doing, and the people I was associating with.

The climax came through an act of God. I tell people that I was visited by an angel but actually I was visited my daughter, who shocked me into reality. I won’t go into the events that lead to her visit but I’ll gladly tell you about the outcome. I am so proud that I fathered such a wonderful and beautiful child and that she was the final thrust that brought about my change. She was the one thing that was deposited in the bank of life that I couldn’t give away or loose. That’s why I refer to it as an act of God.

The climb out of the gutter was not as difficult as you might believe. With the desire to change and new goals and dreams as my primary tools I was off to a speedy start up the ladder of return. It has been well over ten years since I made the decision to change. I’ve come a long ways but I still have a long ways to go, however the dark clouds have lifted and I can clearly see the horizon.


I’m a close friend of Cash we worked together in the Carbon County mines. After reading his story. I asked if he would mind if I added a comment to climax his story. He said,

“By all means my friend, go right ahead.”

As a friend of Cash and his family let me point out a few things that might be of interest. You probably wonder what happened to Lily, well I’m glad to report that Lily survived and thrived. About a year after Cash left her, she married Rich, a few months later Rich was killed in a tragic automobile accident and subsequently left Lily quite Rich. She went from rags (Rich) to riches. After Riches death she became the manager of the country club in the town where she lived and is still there today. What happened to Cashes little sweethearts? Cash had good reason to be proud of them, they all became successful in their own rights and to this day they are living happy and financial free lives. Cash, well he is older and wiser now and still doing research on mind enhancement. He has helped many unfortunates to turn their lives around and find success and serenity. He plans to take some time to travel and see the beauty that gives tribute to his great country. In the interim, however, he’s still helping people to realize their dreams and achieve their ambitions. Cash is once again a proud man and his good deeds out number his bad ones. He doesn’t share his personal successes but in his heart he has found peace and contentment. Cash said in his story that somebody up there must have something left for him to accomplish. I think he has found out what that something is. Regards, Jim Baker

That’s my story and I realize it is pretty revealing, however I wanted you to know the person who was writing this book. I’ve come a long way from the Gray World to the Real World. The percentage of alcoholics that make the trip back to an alcohol free and socially accepted life is so low that it embarrasses me to mention it. I’m so happy that I’m one of the lucky ones. However I have to admit, it wasn’t luck that brought me back. It was the love of my Holy Creator. If God hadn’t spoken to me through his Infinite Intelligence I wouldn’t be here to reap the rewards of a bountiful life. It was God that gave me the courage and determination to find the solutions that set me free and changed my destiny. Today I can look in the mirror and like that old face looking back at me. I can honestly say I’m proud of the man I’ve become.

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